On Easter day, my son and I skipped church and went snowboarding. This season he’s shed the training wheels (it would be nice if ‘boards actually had them) and has begun to shred. It’s been a lot of fun letting him lead.
On one run, while he was ahead of me, I treated myself to a little trip into the trees. My last trip into the trees. I fell and slid into one just fast enough to fracture my tibia. Along with the staple and screws for an ACL repair (10 years earlier), I now have a plate and six more screws in my left leg. I still plan on at least one more season - but no more trees.
I went from being able to run, wrestle, and swim with my kids to laying on the couch, hobbling on crutches, and sitting in chairs. Physical play was out for at least six weeks unless it was a game of Red Hands. Now I had a legit excuse for NOT playing with my kids.
Personally, I like a fair amount of solitude in my life. There are lots of times when I’d rather do my own thing than play with my kids. But with this recent handicap, it was apparent to me how much I actually missed regular physical interaction with them.
Don’t Play With Me
For parents who don’t play much with their children, a hiatus probably wouldn’t be that big a deal. Hardly noticed. Adults have busy, complex inner and outer lives and children can’t always be included.
I’ve seen parents refuse to enter a child’s world out of spite, fear, and pride. Rather than giving their time and attention to their children, they dole it out grudgingly, it at all.
Am I Playing Enough?
Some would play more but there’s not a whole lot of time for ourselves after work and household chores. You have a nagging dread that you’re not providing enough time and attention to your kids. You feel guilty about not playing and wonder about being selfish and career-driven. Balance is a priority however you can never be sure if you’re striking the right balance.
I Don’t Like My Kids
Then there are the times when we wonder whose kids we’re with. Why aren’t they more like me? Where are their manners? No screaming when you’re having fun! This is serious, no laughing!
I remember nagging my family about taking care of some chore and I actually said, “We’re going to clean that mess up, no having any fun!”
Especially with older children, who have discovered their independence, we can be surprised and disturbed at some new behaviors.
Play Can Heal
The fact is, we do need to make time for ourselves as adults. Recharging our batteries is not an empty cliché. Without some solitude, balance is lost just as easily when we don’t play with our kids at all. Leave an afternoon or a few hours open on a regular basis. For me, I try to make sure I’m “present” Sunday afternoons after church. Play happens at other times as well but that afternoon is a definite block of time when I make sure I’m there for my children.
If you don’t play at all, it can be daunting to get out of an adult mindset and enter the world of children. Just follow their lead and have fun. Forget your adult world and your cares and embrace them.
If you don’t like the way your kids play, then play with them more. Avoiding them will not resolve your issues. Try to uncover why you don’t like certain behaviors and realize that most behaviors aren’t really that big a deal. Screaming, while annoying, usually subsides (don’t get me wrong, you have to address it at some level.) If the behaviors do need changing, then getting more involved in their lives is essential.
If you haven’t been playing because of work, health, or family situations, even a little attention and play go a long way. Being away from your kids puts a lot of stress on your relationship with them. Play then becomes a healing act. Know that is enough to play when you can.
Playing deepens the bond between you and your children. The joy, trust, and security that play can engender is worth the effort.
